Spirit-Guided Sexuality

 Yesterday I listened to episode 1038 of Theology in the Raw: Good Sex, Bad Sex, and Marriage with Dr. Juli Slattery. The discussion Preston Sprinkle had with Dr. Slattery reminded me of a post I had written back in 2010. I thought this would be a good excuse to update it and repost it.

According to the Bible there are two ways we can live our lives. We can let our lives be guided by the flesh or we can let our lives be guided by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:16-26). 

In this passage we notice that the Apostle Paul made it clear that when our flesh is in control then sexual immorality will be a result. On the other hand, when the Holy Spirit is our guide, he will help us keep sex a scared part of our lives.

When the Bible talks about flesh, it is not just talking about our physical desires. Flesh is bigger than our bodies. It also encompasses the entire corrupted world system that we live under. This helps explain why sex seems to be everywhere, and this constant exposure to sex causes us to forget God’s intended sacred place for sex in our lives. 

Sex, the way God designed it, is a wonderful blessing that brings intimacy and love into the covenant of marriage. When sex is brought outside of God’s design it becomes a source of complication and pain.

The writer of Hebrews wrote: Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers (Hebrews 13:4; CSB). 

If we are going to hold marriage in honor then we need to renew our thoughts and desires surrounding marriage and sex. This requires that we break from the accepted cultural standards of sex and return to God’s standards. 

We cannot allow our flesh to guide our sexuality.

Our flesh firmly roots our lives into the things of this world. It causes us to crave things that are sensual, things that can be experienced by our five senses, and things that are self-centered. 

Since the flesh is selfish, it will distort the cravings we have for the good things God has given. This leads to developing an unhealthy desire for God’s blessings. I think sex and food are two blessings God where we see this clearly happen. Our flesh gives us this selfish desire to consume and when we consume there are negative consequences to our bodies and souls.

The problem for you and me, even though we follow Jesus, is that we live in a world gone wrong, which means we are faced with the reality of a flesh dominated world system when it comes to sex. 

It is impossible to live in the world and not be effected by this reality. Things as innocent as love songs, chick flicks, and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to culturally accepted things like 50 Shades of Grey, steamy movies, homosexuality, and pornography to disturbing things like child pornography, bestiality, and sadism declare the terrible truth that the sexuality of our culture has gone terribly wrong. When left unchecked our flesh will take us to places we never intended to go. 

This is why we can’t allow the flesh to lead any part of our lives, including our sexuality.

How do we break free from being led by the flesh?

The simple answer is that the Spirit must guide our lives. The apostle Paul wrote; I say, then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit desires what is against the flesh; these are opposed to each other, so that you don’t do what you want. (Galatians 5:16, 17; CSB). Paul is clear that if we don’t want to gratify the cravings of our flesh, then we need to let the Spirit guide our lives.

It is easy to say, “We need to let the Holy Spirit guide our lives,” but it is another thing to actually do it. Especially when we are unsure of what it takes to let the Spirit guide our lives.

When we read on in Galatians 5 we don’t find an explanation on how to be Spirit led. We do get two pictures.  In verses 19-21 Paul gives us a description of what it looks like to be lead by the flesh and in verses 22-23 Paul provides the image of what it looks like to be guided by the Spirit.

Since this is the case, let me offer three thoughts I have when it comes to being led by the Spirit.  

First, it requires that we offer our lives to God.  In Romans 12:1-2 we read; Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. (CSB).  Through the act of sacrifice we acknowledge that our lives belong to God, and therefore they are to be lived by His will.  We reject what our flesh desires and seek to do what God wills.  We have to intentionally move away from the influences of the world and soak our minds and hearts in God’s Word.  If we don’t make this break we allow this world to give strength to our flesh.  

On the other hand, when we truly offer our lives to God and let our minds be renewed by Scripture we are able to resist the pull of the world’s philosophies and teachings. Even though we stand in the midst of the world, God will give us a discerning heart to know right from wrong and truth from deception. 

Not only do we need to give our lives to God, we also need to invite the Spirit into our hearts.  Colossians 1:9-10 has become a favorite passage for me.  The apostle Paul wrote; For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven’t stopped praying for you. We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God (CSB).  Here we find Paul praying that the Colossians will by led by spiritual wisdom and understanding. I think Christian leaders should pray this prayer for the people we lead. On the personal level, it is important that we ask God to fill us with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding needed to live lives that honor Christ Jesus.  A life that honors Jesus is one that submits to God’s will in every area of our lives, including our sexuality.

Third, we need to love people.  Remember I said that the flesh is selfish.  It wants to consume and do what feels good.  To combat selfishness we choose to love people.  We ask God to give us eyes of compassion instead of eyes of lust and we choose to extend a helping hand rather than a groping hand. This is the way we discover that a meaningful life is greater than simply fulfilling our desires.  Love helps us move past the idea that others exist for our enjoyment to understanding that others exist to honor God.  It is this type of serving unconditional love that only comes from the work of the Spirit in our lives (Galatians 5:22).

Sexuality is too precious of a gift to allow our flesh to be our guide, because in its pursuit to consume pleasure the flesh ends up destroying the gift.  The Spirit leads us to place sex in a place of honor in our lives, and when sex is in its proper place we experience the enjoyment of sex the way God intended for us from the beginning.  

This won’t happen magically and it won’t happen just because we get married. Experiencing sex as a blessing requires that we intentionally surrender our lives to Jesus by sacrificing our lives to God, by inviting the Spirit to be our guide, and by committing ourselves to love people. Great sex happens, not because advice offered in some magazine, but because we live a Spirit-guided life.

Take Care Of Your Health

This Sunday I am starting a new sermon series on finances called LO$T. Many people feel lost when it comes to handling money, they have a great deal of stress around their personal finances.

The church term we use for properly handling finances is stewardship. Christians are to be good stewards of their money. 

What does it mean to be a steward?

A steward is a person who manages another persons’s property or financial affairs or a person who administers anything as the agent of another or others. When we put this in the context of God, we are created in His image to be His representatives, or stewards, in this world. We are to manage God’s good creation.

The implication of this reality is that everything belongs to God. The money that we have isn’t really our money, but the wealth that God has given us to manage and leverage for His Kingdom.

This reality isn’t just limited to our finances. It also applies to all areas of our lives. It applies to our talents, to our relationships, to our property, and to our lives. 

One of the truths that we need to accept is that we are not our own, we are God’s people. We belong to Him.

Since we belong to God we need to take care of all the blessings He gives us. That includes our health. We are to be good stewards of our physical lives.

An obstacle that we run into with both our finances and our health is too much information. There are tons of books, websites, and podcasts that offer information about managing money and taking care of our health. We can paralyze ourselves by thinking that we don’t know enough or that we need more knowledge before we can make a decision.

Being a steward isn’t about having all the right answers, it is about making the best decision you can with the information that you know. Acting is often  better than remaining still.

This new bout of blood clots I am experiencing has forced me to face the fact that I need to do a better job at managing my health. I need to take my stewardship responsibility for my health more seriously. 

I was complacent because I thought since I was on Eliquis I wasn’t going to have a problem with blood clots again. I relied on a medical fix to the problem rather than focusing on what I could do to minimize the risk.

When we are good stewards of our health we will do those things that we know will promote a healthy life and minimize things that might contribute to disease and other problems.

For me this begins with losing weight. The reality is that being overweight contributes to all sorts of health issues, and while losing weight isn’t a guarantee to stay disease free, it does reduce some of the risk. To loose weight requires proper nutrition and activity. 

Second is to drink more water. I know that one of the reasons I eat as much as I do is because I am thirsty, but I have trained myself to grab food rather than grabbing a glass of water.

Third on my list of being a good steward of my health is better sleep. As long as I can remember I have had trouble sleeping. I know that I need to increase the amount of sleep I get, but also the quality of sleep I get. One thing that has helped me so far is no eating an hour before bed. By tracking my Fitbit sleep score I have noticed a 10 point difference in my quality of sleep between the nights I eat right before bed and the nights when I don’t eat.

We are God’s stewards, managing His possessions. One of those possessions is our lives. We need to make an effort to take care of the lives God has given to us.

Take Time To Study

Christians are people of the Book. By that I mean Christians are guided, first and foremost, by the Bible. We believe that the Bible contains the wisdom and truth God wants His people to know. 

This is why many Christians have a goal of reading through the Bible each year. The commitment to read the Bible the reveals their desire to be more familiar with the Book that is to guide their lives. 

The problem that many of us face, me included, is that there are parts of the Bible which are difficult to read. So if you expect to come away with a little nugget of truth from your reading each day, you might be disappointed. It is hard to understand how parts of the Bible apply to our lives.

Not only is there the difficulty in understanding the Bible, but there is also the reality of how our memory works. We simply do not remember what we read which means there isn’t much transformation happening in our hearts and minds.

In Romans the apostle Paul wrote:

Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. — Romans 12:2 (CSB)

To keep from being conformed in the image of the world we need to be intentional about being transformed into the image of Jesus. This starts with the renewal of our minds. To be transformed we  need to give our minds the proper material to dwell on. While reading is the foundation of getting God’s truth into our minds, I think many of us need to take the next step and create a system of Bible Study that fits our lives and personalities.

I know there are different study systems available, but I have found many of them too complicated and time intensive to consistently do.  Over the years this discouraged to me as I have tried to study the Bible. 

I want to share with you what I do to study the Bible and get God’s Word into my heart and mind.

First, get a Bible translation that is easy to read. Don’t get hung up on “what is the best Bible translation?” All the main translations had a team of scholars working on them to create the most accurate translation as possible. Remember, get a translation and not a paraphrase like the Message or the Living Bible. While paraphrases have a place, they are usually the work of one person trying to smooth out the English translation. For ease of reading I would recommend the New Living Translation (which is what I preach from) or the Christian Standard Bible (which has become my go to Bible translation in 2022).

Second, get a good Study Bible. Until this past year I have never had a Study Bible, but now I own several on my Olive Tree Bible Software, and I have discovered that they are super helpful in my sermon preparation each week. Now there are a number of speciality Study Bibles out there that I have found not near as helpful, they have good articles and highlights in them, they lack the commentary notes that are useful. The Study Bibles I have found useful this year are the CSB Study Bible, the NIV Study Bible, the ESV Global Study Bible, and the NIV Bible Background Study Bible.

Another option would be to invest in Olive Tree Bible Software. While the the App is free and there are some free resources to go with it, to get the most out of it you need to purchase resources like study bibles and commentaries. To give it a try you can sing up for a study pack (there are NIV, ESV, and NKJV study packs available for $60 a year). Learning how to use Olive Tree this last year has transformed my study time.

Third, get a notebook or journal that you will use exclusively for Bible Study. You can use this journal for your regular personal study as well as taking notes from the sermons and classes you listen to. I use the note feature in the Olive Tree Bible Software. Writing things down helps you to remember them and it gives you a place to refer back to if you desire.

Fourth, adopt a Bible Study Method. This is what held me back for years, I couldn’t find one that I could understand, that fit the rhythm of my life, and that could be done an a regular basis. A few years ago I decided to develop my own method. I call it the STOP Bible Study Method and it is the way I start out my sermon study each week. It is also what I use to work through books of the Bible on my own.  STOP stands for Summarize, Truth, Observations, and Prayer. What you do is at the top of the page write down the passage you are studying, I usually only do a paragraph or two at a time. Then read the passage. After reading the passage take a few minutes to summarize what you read (which usually requires rereading it a few times). After summarizing the passage, write down what you think the main point or truth of the passage is (this usually becomes my Big Idea for the sermon). Once you have the truth down, make some observations about the passage. These observations can be things that stood out to you, questions that you have, or other details that you found interesting. Finally, write out a prayer asking God to help you apply the passage, or at least the truth of it, to your life. 

Fifth, use the Study Bible to read the commentary notes on the passage to get a better understanding of what the text is about. Write down any ideas that you think are important to remember. This way you are not only relying on your own ideas and observations, but are also gaining the insights from scholars who have studied the passage.

Sixth, make a commitment to attend Sunday morning worship and other study times that your local church family offers. Individual study time is important, but study and discussion with a group is crucial. We benefit from the perspectives of other people in our pursuit of spiritual formation. 

Study is a crucial part of our spiritual formation. I encourage you to make space for study in your life.

Who Is Your King?

 {Judges 17:6; ESV}

In those days there was no king in Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes. 

The book of Judges is the account of the nation of Israel between the death of Joshua and the establishment of the monarchy with Saul and David. The recurring problem this young nation dealt with was the lack of leadership. As long as God provided them with a leader: Moses, Joshua, and the various Judges the people seemed to do what was right, but once these leaders were gone the people seemed to always follow the religious practices of the kingdoms around them.

Rather than being God’s covenant people, guided by the Law, Israel desired to be another Canaanite nation, adopting the practices of their neighbors.

Israel’s unwillingness to accept God’s rule led to the invasion of foreign kings. No Israelite king ruled Israel, but there were kings who ruled Israel. These kings were cruel and their actions devastated the nation and kept the Israelites in bondage. 

Because of Israel’s choice not to accept God’s invitation to be their King, God allowed the invasions of foreign kings to occur.

The Old Testament often gives us a picture of what historically happened as a metaphor to the spiritual reality of life. Just as Israel needed to surrender to God lordship, we too need to surrender to God's rule.

We may think we don’t need a king in our lives because we have the wisdom and the freedom to do what we think is best, but the reality is that we are bound by the chains of a tyrant. Many of us are chained and enslaved. 

The habits you cannot break are not the result of your weakness, but are chains given to us by a cruel master. The lust, selfishness, and greed of your heart are the chains in which you have been bound. “I am free,” we yell as we fall back into whatever addictions we have developed to cope with life.

The reason why we self medicate with sex, alcohol, Netflix, Amazon shopping, exercise, or food is because that is how we have learned to cope with life. This self medication can easily turn into addiction and slavery.

Peter wrote:

For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from your ancestors, not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb. — 1 Peter 1:18-19 (CSB)

We inherited a way of life from the world. It is all that we know and it seems like wisdom because it is how everyone else is living, but that way of life is really oppression. We need to be rescued from it.

Jesus is the King who came to rescue us. The foundation of the Gospel is that God’s good Kingdom is being brought into the world through Jesus. This was Jesus’s summary of his message:

From then on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, because the kingdom of heaven has come near.” — 

Matthew 4:17 (CSB)

To repent, in this context of Kingdom, means to change our loyalties. I like to say that to repent is to defect from the kingdom of darkness and declare our allegiance to Jesus and his Kingdom.

We have a choice to make. Who will be our King?

Will we accept Jesus’s offer to be our King by repenting and following him or will we choose to be our own king too weak to stand against the oppressing forces the world sends our way?

The Bible teaches that Jesus is offering the opportunity to accept His Kingship to all people, but there will be a day when this invitation will cease. Jesus is preparing to return and on that day no one will be able to stand against Him. Everyone will bow before him, either in absolute terror or in absolute love, and worship the King of kings. 

Today is the day for you to defect from the kingdom of this world and become part of the Kingdom of Heaven. The day is coming when there will only be one King left standing, and on that day I want to be on his side.