Parenting in a Digital World: Digital Relationships & Online Safety

 As we conclude our Parenting in a Digital World series, let’s take a moment to reflect on what we’ve learned so far:

1. Parenting Principles in a Digital Age
   Protect, guide, and empower our children to use technology responsibly.
2. Discovering Our “Why”
   Digital parenting matters because our children’s well-being matters.
3. Building a Family Digital Culture
   Establishing healthy boundaries fosters stronger relationships.
4. Avoiding Inappropriate Content
   Utilizing parental controls and open communication helps protect children from harmful exposure.
5. Protecting Mental Health
   Limiting screen time and encouraging offline activities fosters emotional well-being.

Parenting in the digital world is not easy—it takes intentional action to help our children mature into emotionally healthy and productive individuals. As Christians, we view this responsibility as part of the discipleship of our children.

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One Reality of the Online World

The online world offers the exciting possibility of meeting new people and forming relationships. However, it is also filled with potential dangers and pitfalls. It’s crucial to understand both the positive and risky aspects of digital relationships.

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Understanding Digital Relationships

Navigating the digital world means understanding the nuances of modern relationships. Let’s dive into the key aspects:

1. Online Friends vs. Real Friends

• Online Friendships Can Feel Meaningful but Often Lack Real-World Depth:
  Today’s children and teens easily form friendships through social media, gaming, and chat platforms. While these relationships can provide emotional support and a sense of belonging, they might lack the depth that comes from face-to-face interactions. Digital connections often miss out on the subtle cues—like body language and tone—that are essential for truly supportive and reliable relationships.

• Social Media Creates an Illusion of Closeness, But True Friendships Require Accountability and Shared Experiences:
  The constant flow of messages and updates can make online interactions feel intimate, yet the lack of physical presence often means less accountability. Real friendships thrive on shared experiences, mutual trust, and the understanding that comes when friends spend time together in person. This connection fosters deeper bonds and helps navigate conflicts more effectively.

• Key Question: Would This Person Be in Your Life Without a Screen?
  This thought-provoking question encourages both parents and children to reflect on the authenticity of their digital relationships. Are these friendships based solely on online interactions, or would they remain significant in a non-digital context?

2. Social Comparison & Peer Pressure

• Social Media Highlights Only the Best Moments, Leading to Unrealistic Comparisons:
  Platforms like Instagram and Facebook showcase only the highlights of someone’s life—moments of success and joy—creating a distorted view that can lead children and teens to compare their everyday lives unfavorably.

• Validation from Likes and Comments Can Impact Self-Esteem:
  In the digital age, social validation is often measured by likes, comments, and shares. When the anticipated response is not received, it can result in feelings of inadequacy or rejection, adversely affecting self-esteem and mental health.

• Healthy Habits:
  Encourage real-life interactions, hobbies, and critical thinking about online portrayals. Help your children see beyond the “highlight reel” and appreciate that real life is multifaceted and complex.

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The Dangers of Digital Relationships

While digital connections offer many benefits, they also come with risks. Here are some of the key dangers and how to address them:

1. Cyberbullying

• Occurs on Social Media, Gaming Platforms, and Group Chats:
  Cyberbullying can manifest across various digital channels—from hurtful comments on social media to targeted harassment in online gaming and group chats.

• Signs Include Withdrawal from Social Interactions and Emotional Distress:
  Children experiencing cyberbullying might withdraw from both online and offline social interactions, become unusually quiet after using their devices, or display sudden mood changes such as increased anxiety or sadness. Early recognition of these signs is crucial.

• Parental Strategies:

  • Open Communication: Let your child know they can come to you if they encounter negativity online.
  • Blocking/Reporting: Teach them to block or report abusive behavior.
  • Promoting Respectful Online Behavior: Reinforce the importance of kindness and respect in digital interactions.

2. Online Predators & Grooming

• Predators Use Fake Identities, Secrecy, and Flattery to Manipulate Children:
  Online predators often create fake profiles to gain the trust of unsuspecting children. They may shower kids with compliments, gifts, or attention to slowly build a relationship that can turn dangerous.

• Warning Signs:

  • Requests for personal information
  • Encouraging secret conversations
  • Suggesting in-person meetups

• Prevention Tips:

  • Educate Your Children: Teach them about the risks of sharing personal information online.
  • Use Parental Controls: Limit their exposure to unsafe platforms.
  • Monitor Online Interactions: Regular check-ins can ensure your child is navigating the digital world safely.

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Practical Steps for Online Safety

Creating a secure online environment for your children involves both technological tools and proactive communication. Here are some practical steps every family can implement:

1. Parental Controls & Monitoring

• Leveraging Built-In Settings and Tools:
  Modern devices come equipped with robust parental control features. Tools like Bark, Qustodio, and Covenant Eyes help filter inappropriate content, set screen time limits, and monitor online interactions.

• Balancing Oversight with Trust:
  While it’s important to monitor your child’s digital activity, explain why these controls are in place and involve them in setting appropriate limits. This transparency fosters trust while keeping them safe.

2. Safe Browsing & Online Behavior

• Identifying Online Threats:
  Educate your children about common tactics used in scams, phishing, and fake profiles. Teach them to recognize suspicious links, verify website authenticity, and avoid sharing personal information with unverified sources.

• Understanding What to Share:
  Help your children differentiate between safe and unsafe information to share online. Discuss which personal details (like full names, addresses, or travel plans) should remain private and emphasize the importance of protecting sensitive information.

3. Family Digital Contract

• Setting Clear Expectations:
  A Family Digital Contract is a collaborative agreement that outlines the rules for online behavior, screen time, and safety. It ensures that everyone in the household understands their responsibilities and the boundaries necessary for a safe digital environment.

• Regular Reviews and Updates:
  As technology evolves, so should your family’s digital rules. Set aside time periodically—perhaps every few months—to review and update the contract, reinforcing that digital safety is a shared responsibility.

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Key Takeaways

1. Help Children Distinguish Between Online and Real-Life Relationships
   Not all connections made online have the same depth or reliability as those formed in person. Encourage your child to ask whether a friend would still be significant without the digital screen as a barrier, fostering a balanced perspective.

2. Recognize and Prevent Digital Dangers Like Cyberbullying and Online Predators
   Awareness is the first step in safeguarding your child. Teach them to identify signs of cyberbullying and understand the tactics of online predators. Equip them with strategies like blocking or reporting abusive behavior and maintaining privacy with personal details.

3. Model and Enforce Safe Online Habits Through Parental Controls and Open Discussions
   Your actions set the stage for your child’s digital behavior. Model safe online habits by practicing thoughtful posting, respectful communication, and mindful sharing. Use parental controls alongside open, honest discussions about why these measures are necessary. Involving your child in setting up a Family Digital Contract reinforces the importance of boundaries and shared responsibility.

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Final Thought

By continuing these conversations and implementing practical strategies, we empower our children to navigate the digital world with wisdom and confidence. This ongoing dialogue not only builds their awareness but also instills a sense of responsibility that will serve them well as they grow and engage in an increasingly digital society.

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Thank you for joining me on this journey through the complexities of digital parenting. Let’s continue to support and guide our children as they learn to thrive in both the digital and real worlds.

— Paul

Lessons from the King: Murder in the Heart

The Incubator of Anger

Imagine working in a lab, placing a petri dish inside an incubator. The controlled environment accelerates bacterial growth, allowing it to multiply rapidly. Now, think about our world—it’s like a giant anger incubator. A recent APM Research Lab study found that 9 out of 10 Americans could name a news event that made them angry. Nearly half were extremely angry, a number more than double those who expressed pride in their circumstances. Social media fights, political arguments, injustice, and personal struggles—our environment is primed for anger to grow.

This is the kingdom of this world—marked by anger, broken relationships, violence, and destruction. But Jesus calls us to something different: “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” (Matthew 4:17, NLT). To follow Jesus is to break free from this incubator of anger and to work toward peace in a world desperate for it.

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The Kingdom’s Call to Righteousness

Too often, we equate being a good person with following a set of moral rules. But true Kingdom citizenship is not about legalistic rule-following—it starts with dependence on Jesus and grows as we follow His teachings. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus explains what it means to live as citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven. Last week, we saw that righteousness makes us salt and light. This week, Jesus takes us deeper—showing that true righteousness is not just about avoiding wrongdoing but about having a heart transformed by God’s love.

To illustrate this, Jesus presents six case studies—examples of how to rightly obey God’s law. Today, we examine the first: anger.

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The Heart of the Issue

 Matthew 5:21-22

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment!” (NLT)

The religious leaders taught that righteousness meant avoiding the physical act of murder. But Jesus goes deeper—He reveals that anger, insults, and contempt are just as sinful because they destroy relationships and devalue human life.

We see this in the story of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:6-7). God warns Cain about his anger, telling him that “sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Cain ignored the warning, allowing his anger to fester and turn into murder. Jesus warns us of the same danger—anger left unchecked leads to destruction.

So how do we subdue sin before it controls us? One step is to change our thinking. “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves… You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”(Philippians 2:3-5, NLT)

But Jesus also gives us another step—seeking reconciliation.

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The Priority of Reconciliation

Matthew 5:23-24

“If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.” (NLT)

Jesus teaches that worship is meaningless if we are holding grudges or causing division. In His time, a trip to the temple could take days, yet Jesus instructs His followers to prioritize reconciliation before offering a sacrifice.

Cain should have reconciled with Abel. Instead, he let his anger fester, leading to murder. We must learn from his mistake. Our relationship with God is directly tied to our relationships with others. Imagine a father watching his children fight. No matter how much they say, “I love you, Dad,” their words are empty if they refuse to love each other. In the same way, our worship is hollow if we harbor resentment toward others. Is there someone in your life you need to reconcile with? Don’t delay—Jesus calls us to seek peace immediately.

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The Urgency of Making Things Right

Matthew 5:25-26

“When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge… and you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.” (NLT)

Unresolved conflict has consequences. In Jesus’ time, failing to settle a legal dispute could lead to imprisonment. Jesus uses this as an illustration—unresolved anger puts us at risk of judgment. Not reconciling with those we’ve hurt is as dangerous as ignoring a legal dispute before trial. We must seek peace while we still have the opportunity.

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Living as Kingdom People

True righteousness is not just about avoiding murder—it is about dealing with anger, bitterness, and contempt in our hearts. We must recognize when sin is crouching at our door and subdue it before it controls us. How? Through reconciliation. When we have wronged someone, our responsibility is to make things right.

Jesus calls us to a righteousness that surpasses legalism. He calls us to be peacemakers.

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A Challenge for Reflection

Ask God: Is there someone I need to reconcile with? If so, take action. Apologize. Repair the damage. Do your part to live as God’s holy people.

May we be a people who reflect the heart of Jesus, rejecting anger and seeking peace. In doing so, we truly become Kingdom citizens who represent our King well.

Moving Beyond the Shallow: Deepening Our Prayer Lives

Prayer can often be a source of frustration for me—not just in my own practice, but also when observing how others pray. It’s not that the intentions behind these prayers are wrong. In fact, they are often heartfelt and sincere. Yet at times, the focus seems misplaced and shallow. Perhaps “shallow” isn’t the perfect word, so let me explain.

By “shallow,” I’m referring to how our prayers tend to center on what we can see and touch—physical health, finances, safety, and other tangible concerns. While these are undoubtedly important, I can’t help but feel we often neglect something far greater: the deeper, unseen aspects of our spiritual lives.

Take, for example, Paul’s prayer for the believers in Colossae:

“For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven’t stopped praying for you. We are asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him: bearing fruit in every good work and growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the saints’ inheritance in the light. He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son he loves. In him we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” (Colossians 1:9–14, CSB)

Notice the content of Paul’s prayer. He doesn’t focus on physical ailments, financial stability, or protection from harm. Instead, his focus is on the spiritual formation of believers. He asks God to fill them with wisdom and spiritual understanding so they can live in a way that honors Jesus. Paul prays for their spiritual growth, strength, and gratitude for God’s blessings.

His prayer centers entirely on the spiritual reality that shapes their identity and purpose.

Contrast this with the typical prayers we hear during worship or small group gatherings. Most prayers are for physical realities—provision, healing, or safety. Let me be clear: these are entirely appropriate things to pray for. God desires us to bring our daily needs and concerns to Him.

However, the problem arises when we focus exclusively on physical needs at the expense of deeper spiritual realities. When we do that, we risk becoming fixated on the visible, tangible world while ignoring the unseen part of our existence—the part that holds eternal significance.

When people are struggling, it is good and proper to ask God to intervene in their circumstances. This is part of our responsibility as Christians. But we must also remember that spiritual maturity is essential to discipleship. We need to pray for one another’s faith, strength, understanding, and wisdom—these are critical for our spiritual formation.

A question worth pondering is: Why do we often default to praying for the physical rather than the spiritual?

Personally, I’ve struggled with the concept of the spiritual. It has sometimes felt intangible, almost unreal. In a world that often dismisses spiritual matters as mythical or irrelevant, it’s been easy for me to overlook.

Additionally, I once equated “spiritual” with “emotional.” Since I believed emotions were unreliable, I avoided anything I perceived as emotional—including the spiritual dimensions of prayer.

These are just a couple of reasons I’ve gravitated toward praying for the familiar and tangible physical realities of life, while avoiding the deeper spiritual dimensions that are just as important.

I believe the key to revitalizing our prayer life is to shift our focus. What if we intentionally made time in our prayers—both private and public—to pray like Paul did in Colossians 1:9–14?

Instead of focusing solely on healing and provision, we could also pray for God’s wisdom, strength, and transformative power to work in our hearts. Prayer has the potential to reshape our lives, but we must ask for what we truly need to be transformed.

As Jesus taught in Matthew 6:33:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”

This verse challenges us to prioritize God’s kingdom and spiritual matters over worldly concerns.

Similarly, Romans 8:26–27 reassures us:

“The Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

Even when spiritual realities feel distant or unclear, God’s Spirit intercedes on our behalf, guiding our prayers toward what truly matters.

Now is the time to deepen our prayer lives—to move from the shallow end, where we ask only for our physical needs, to the deep end, where we ask God for the spiritual wisdom and understanding we need to represent King Jesus in everything we say and do.

Let’s begin praying in ways that transform not just our circumstances, but also our hearts and lives.

The Power of Story

“Tolkien, like C. S. Lewis, believed that through story the real world becomes a more magical place, full of meaning. We see its pattern and colour in a fresh way. The recovery of a true view of things applies both to individual things like hills and stones, and to the cosmic—the depths of space and time itself.”

~ Colin Duriez, The J. R. R. Tolkien Handbook: A Concise Guide to His Life, Writings, and World of Middle-Earth

Stories hold immense power in our lives. They can help us see clearly when the challenges of life cloud our vision. They have a way of bypassing the barriers of our minds and speaking directly to our hearts, revealing truths we might otherwise ignore.

Consider the story of King David, a man after God’s own heart and an ancestor of Jesus. Despite his faith and legacy, David was deeply flawed. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and, to cover his sin, orchestrated the murder of her husband, Uriah—a loyal warrior and one of David’s elite “Mighty Men.”

Uriah’s loyalty makes David’s betrayal even more despicable. Uriah honored David, yet David stole his wife and arranged for his death. After these acts of treachery, David felt no apparent remorse. Life moved on: Bathsheba bore David a son, and the king continued his reign as if nothing had happened.

It wasn’t until the prophet Nathan confronted David that the king’s hardened heart finally broke. Nathan approached David not with accusations, but with a story.

“Your Majesty,” Nathan said, “I have a story to tell.”

David, perhaps eager for a moment of distraction, replied, “I love a good story. Let me hear it.”

Nathan told a tale of two men. One was rich, possessing vast herds and fields. The other was poor, owning just one cherished lamb, which he treated like family. When the rich man had guests, instead of taking from his own abundance, he stole the poor man’s lamb to serve at the feast.

David was enraged. “That man deserves to die!” he declared.

Then Nathan delivered the blow: “You are that man.”

Through this simple story, Nathan cut through David’s defenses. For more than a year, David had ignored his sin, going through the motions of worship without repentance. Nathan’s story bypassed David’s pride and opened his heart to conviction. It allowed him to see clearly again.

That is the power of story.

Stories have a unique ability to reveal spiritual realities, reconnect us with joy, rekindle love, and remind us of the beauty in God’s creation. They can expose hidden truths and inspire us to reflect, repent, and grow.

Ultimately, the greatest power of a story lies in its ability to point us to the greatest Story of all. Tolkien and Lewis understood this. To them, every great story echoes the Gospel—the True Story in which God enters His creation as a man, lives among us, dies for us, and rises again.

The Gospel is the ultimate narrative: God, the master Storyteller, crafting a tale of love, redemption, and triumph. It is the one story that is not only beautiful and meaningful but also True.

When used wisely, stories can lead us to the foot of the cross, the wonder of the empty tomb, and the hope of a Kingdom that is ever expanding.

That is the power of story.

* Though it wasn’t the point of this post, I think it is important to consider Bathsheba in this event of David’s life. We should ask questions like: How did she feel during this time? Did she even have a say in what happened? With Uriah, she was cherished, loved, and honored. With David, she became just another wife in his growing harem. She was a victim of David’s abuse of power.